[ Even if it requires her some amount of mental gymnastics to make herself believe. Her perfect veracity is an aspect of the martyrdom she had so meticulously prepared herself for. ]
Even had you come to me, I would not have been much use to you. I am sorry.
[ She had promised to look out for this girl, and immediately she had found herself unable to do so. She's disappointed in herself. ]
Oh. [ Tomoko casts her gaze down, knowing that feeling all too well. It's so disheartening. ] I'm sorry. I think it's on us to save ourselves, so...
[ She wouldn't want her friends stuck here trying to rescue her, anyway, even if she longs to see them. She looks up again and takes a few steps closer, slow, and uncertain.
Ilde helped her before and asked her to visit but she's also a bit odd. She's not sure how much space she might prefer to keep. ]
Do you, um, want a hug? Those usually make me feel better when I'm sad.
[ It was forbidden for anyone to touch her and Dreus could only dot at her with burning fingertips. Delicate flowers bloom from those scars; around her knees, elbows, shoulders, collarbones.
There is one vibrant memory of being hugged by Camille, and thinking of Camille makes her blanch. Ilde drops her gaze abruptly in discomfort. ]
No. I should prepare you something to eat.
[ She can manage at least that much. She walks past without stopping to make sure Tomoko is following her. ]
[ Well, she did ask for a reason. Tomoko's run-ins with unwanted contact aren't in the same wheelhouse as Ilde's own but she knows enough to not be so familiar with someone who's, quite frankly, still somewhat of a stranger. Thus, there's no protest, no push for it, and instead, she's quick to turn and trail along after when Ilde moves to go by. ]
Is there anything I can do to help? I... I know you said not to bring anything from the kitchen along but, you know, I'm alright at chopping ingredients or finding herbs in this place. I think I remember where the herb garden is, at least.
[ She hasn't heard from Emet yet that they can return to the kitchen, so the embargo on those tools remains. She glances over her shoulder finally, her answer is plain, ]
I am the herbalist. I prepared them for the Spring court to cook with. We built our own small cooking area outside.
[ Weirdly, she says 'outside' but she means 'inside the castle' rather than here in this outdoorsy garden. The garden is the center of Ilde's universe. ]
[ That's certainly confusing to Tomoko. She looks around as they walk onward. They're in the garden, which is— ]
Aren't we already outside? Though... yeah, I do know about that. I have to come all the way to the door here to get produce for the kitchen. He leaves some there for me, too.
[ Whether it's distraction of selected deafness, Ilde doesn't respond concerning whether they're inside or outside. She just heads for the entrance to load up her skirt with the vegetables she wants to cook. She picks a variety, whatever Tomoko doesn't like she'll finish. ]
[ It's still very confusing but Tomoko won't ask again, simply following her to the entrance to wait and watch, since Ilde doesn't seem to be in need of any kind of help after all. ]
...to cook? Oh. I clean, mostly. I've baked a few things before and I made a skeleton an omelet once! That was sort of fun. The cleaning parts are less so but it's something I can do, at least.
Cooking is an important skill. It makes you valuable to yourself, and to others.
[ Here, have some free big sister advice since she failed you so terribly. She double checks what she's taken from the produce, one last time. Then she leads the way into the outer walkway. They don't go far, literally the first turn once they've left the garden itself.
It's a humble little cooking fire, but it's perfectly comfortable to Ilde. She sits down on the stone floor of the little nook, busying herself. ]
It is easy here, there are so few of us to cook for. [ A soft hum. ] The edges of my world always felt very close, it feels even smaller here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Even if it requires her some amount of mental gymnastics to make herself believe. Her perfect veracity is an aspect of the martyrdom she had so meticulously prepared herself for. ]
Even had you come to me, I would not have been much use to you. I am sorry.
[ She had promised to look out for this girl, and immediately she had found herself unable to do so. She's disappointed in herself. ]
no subject
[ Besides, well, everything? Tomoko supposes it's a stupid question in the end, and so she's quick to stammer and add, ]
B-besides the usual, I mean. Something worse than that.
no subject
I became quite homesick. I suppose I finally realized that no one would be coming to rescue me.
[ Not quite a lie, just an omission of how she had come to that realization. ]
no subject
[ She wouldn't want her friends stuck here trying to rescue her, anyway, even if she longs to see them. She looks up again and takes a few steps closer, slow, and uncertain.
Ilde helped her before and asked her to visit but she's also a bit odd. She's not sure how much space she might prefer to keep. ]
Do you, um, want a hug? Those usually make me feel better when I'm sad.
cw: abuse imagery
There is one vibrant memory of being hugged by Camille, and thinking of Camille makes her blanch. Ilde drops her gaze abruptly in discomfort. ]
No. I should prepare you something to eat.
[ She can manage at least that much. She walks past without stopping to make sure Tomoko is following her. ]
no subject
[ Well, she did ask for a reason. Tomoko's run-ins with unwanted contact aren't in the same wheelhouse as Ilde's own but she knows enough to not be so familiar with someone who's, quite frankly, still somewhat of a stranger. Thus, there's no protest, no push for it, and instead, she's quick to turn and trail along after when Ilde moves to go by. ]
Is there anything I can do to help? I... I know you said not to bring anything from the kitchen along but, you know, I'm alright at chopping ingredients or finding herbs in this place. I think I remember where the herb garden is, at least.
no subject
I am the herbalist. I prepared them for the Spring court to cook with. We built our own small cooking area outside.
[ Weirdly, she says 'outside' but she means 'inside the castle' rather than here in this outdoorsy garden. The garden is the center of Ilde's universe. ]
Yuya prepares the produce near the entrance.
no subject
[ That's certainly confusing to Tomoko. She looks around as they walk onward. They're in the garden, which is— ]
Aren't we already outside? Though... yeah, I do know about that. I have to come all the way to the door here to get produce for the kitchen. He leaves some there for me, too.
no subject
Do you like to work in the kitchen? To cook?
no subject
...to cook? Oh. I clean, mostly. I've baked a few things before and I made a skeleton an omelet once! That was sort of fun. The cleaning parts are less so but it's something I can do, at least.
no subject
[ Here, have some free big sister advice since she failed you so terribly. She double checks what she's taken from the produce, one last time. Then she leads the way into the outer walkway. They don't go far, literally the first turn once they've left the garden itself.
It's a humble little cooking fire, but it's perfectly comfortable to Ilde. She sits down on the stone floor of the little nook, busying herself. ]
It is easy here, there are so few of us to cook for. [ A soft hum. ] The edges of my world always felt very close, it feels even smaller here.