I almost died in a forest, once. The last thing I saw were the leaves... I didn't want to die [he's never wanted to die], but if the last thing I saw was something that lived long before me and would continue long after...
I don't think trees would recognize death as something to mourn. They could simply grow back over the destruction caused by a fight...
[ People don't get what they deserve. She feels an impulse to tell him otherwise. It is like a knife to the heart, and she flinches a little. To deserve is to exert some little manner of control over things that cannot be predicted nor tamed. Of course, when the bodies pile up so high, there is no justice to be found in it. They had died for nothing, and she had lived, paralyzed at the side of a monster. Every reassurance she could offer was a lie. Her answer is rigid and numb, ]
I've seen divine justice. A man punished by God for his crimes. He did do what he was struck down for. It wasn't the kindness - or cruelty - that people offer for nothing. It was an honest accounting of his actions...
[He squeezes her hand.]
But I don't think he deserved that 'justice'. If I was there again... I'd fight for his survival just as I did then. [Did he deserve to live when he'd sent others to their deaths? Allen doesn't think that's what matters.] You planet the seeds.
[He laughs a little because he'd learned the dangers of crying a long time ago.]
When the Admiral offered me this job... back home, there's stuff that's simply true, so I accept it because it doesn't matter. [Whether or not he accepts it doesn't matter, and there's too much that needs to be done to waste time fighting it.]
Here, I'm not living against a clock [not in the same way]. Sometimes, that feels harder to accept.
[He can't allow it to be over, not without knowing he did everything he could. He hadn't deserved Mana's love, but he'd had it anyway. He makes the choice not to betray that.]
Sometimes, you look around and realize you're not walking alone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's been a long time since I've walked in a forest.
no subject
[ The strange garden that she tended below the palace had an orchard, but that was not a natural ecosystem. ]
no subject
[Which doesn't really lend itself to appreciating the scenery.]
I've gotten the chance to see a lot of different places [but usually because he's about to fight].
no subject
[ It is her sisterly duty to observe this. ]
no subject
It's what I am.
[He's a weapon of God, but he was the one who chose to dedicate his life to the world. How could he chose to do anything but fight for the world?]
no subject
[ An airy theoretical. ]
no subject
[He laughs a little.]
I almost died in a forest, once. The last thing I saw were the leaves... I didn't want to die [he's never wanted to die], but if the last thing I saw was something that lived long before me and would continue long after...
I don't think trees would recognize death as something to mourn. They could simply grow back over the destruction caused by a fight...
no subject
no subject
People don't get what they deserve.
I still think it's nice when they're remembered. With the Black Order it sometimes felt like there were too many deaths to keep track of.
no subject
I had my seeds. And so I planted them.
no subject
[He squeezes her hand.]
But I don't think he deserved that 'justice'. If I was there again... I'd fight for his survival just as I did then. [Did he deserve to live when he'd sent others to their deaths? Allen doesn't think that's what matters.] You planet the seeds.
no subject
[ She said this once before, but the way it rings in her chest feels different now. ]
no subject
When the Admiral offered me this job... back home, there's stuff that's simply true, so I accept it because it doesn't matter. [Whether or not he accepts it doesn't matter, and there's too much that needs to be done to waste time fighting it.]
Here, I'm not living against a clock [not in the same way]. Sometimes, that feels harder to accept.
no subject
[ She had screamed for days when she was first brought here, had cried for days more. It was all supposed to be over. ]
But then you learn to wake up for breakfast and move on with your day.
no subject
[He can't allow it to be over, not without knowing he did everything he could. He hadn't deserved Mana's love, but he'd had it anyway. He makes the choice not to betray that.]
Sometimes, you look around and realize you're not walking alone.
no subject
Sometimes, you should simply lie in the grass.
no subject
To look at the sky?
no subject
no subject
I think the grass dreams of life. [He says quietly.]
no subject
no subject
no subject